My dear ‘Lucifer’,
You may wonder why I am calling you Lucifer, it’s not that I have forgotten your name it’s just that I don’t want those ANTIFA hooligans to troll you when they learn you have been by confidante for over three decades. Your amazing guidance has brought me to be the greatest President the United States has ever had, a position that has added to my wealth and stature and those of my children. Imagine the value of my brand name after I leave the White House, that’s if I ever leave the house that I have come to love just as much as Mara Lago.
As you know I do not read but I took your advice of the principal of divide and rule which you said is how a small island called Great Britain became great in colonising more than half the world. You were spot on to embrace the forgotten voice of the White Supremacists, they are at the core of my base and just like me do not read much and unlike me did not have the money to fix their school grades. Their attention span is four words and “Make America Great Again“ is enough for them to get into their Pick up trucks or onto their motorbikes and turn up where I want them. Knowing the art of the deal I know I can sell them back their own hard earned pickups by simply saying its to make America great again.
You were right about going after all the recent immigrants, the Latinos, the Muslims because my base doesn’t know that they all are the sons and daughters of immigrants, every single one of them. You were right to say they will not research their ancestry, many don’t know where the nearest library is, well neither do I but then that’s not the point I am the greatest POTUS ever, I mean ever! Thanks for reminding me to go soft of the Latinos this election as we need Florida more than ever, and sure I am considering my Supreme Court nominee to replace RBG (sorry of the initials I cannot spell her surname), to be a Latino woman.
I am a bit disturbed about this book by this Bob fellow, I know you told me not to talk to him but come on Lucifer this Bob fellow is the dean of FAKE news and if I, the best negotiator ever to be President, could disarm him then the fake news crowd of Coumo, Don Lemon, Wolf (cannot spell his surname) etc would all come crumbling down. I think this Bob is a poor man and doesn’t own any stocks because I kept telling him about the stock market and he did not even respond. As you once said “no point talking about a rib eye steak to a guy who only eats hot dogs”. The problem is he has these tapes, not like the loser Nixon’s tapes, with my voice on them. Should I deny I ever spoke to him? I know my MAGA crowd will believe me. You told me to say it’s a boring book, which I did and the MAGA suckers cheered, you think I should read it?
This China flu thing seems to cause some stink on me, but only time to time. Yes I knew it was deadly and may be I should have said in April that about 50,000 people will die instead of saying it will go away and it’s under control, I called you back then but your phone was disconnected, my office forgot to pay the bill. Can I tell the people that this is God’s wrath on the Americans who are not true MAGA and Trump supporters? I can make up some numbers to show only Trump haters are dying. After all I tell about ten lies a day and these idiots are so busy fact checking me they will never catch up.
Joking aside, Lucifer you are right that telling them that 200,000 dead is better than 500,000 dead! So you are right I have done a great job in fighting the China flu. I know this Dr Fauci fellow is believed more than me but you were wise to suggest to get a mountain of man of science to neutralise Fauci; so I got Dr Atlas, Kellyann Conway told me there are the Atlas Mountains somewhere in Africa or Asia. (Sending Don Jr there to see if we can build a Trump property on the Atlas Mountains). This Atlas fellow is so great he just parrots whatever I say but with a degree the geeks will believe him rather than me. That way we get the swing votes, right?
Thanks for sending me the additional oath you want all people who serve me to make. I agree these people like the rat Cohen, and the coward Mattis, should never emerge again. I have modified the oath that each person working for me shall make. Let me know what you think:
“I ........... swear by God this holy oath that I shall render unconditional obedience and loyalty forever, to the leader of the American Republic and the American people, Donald J Trump, the greatest President of USA and it’s supreme leader. This oath is binding on me for life and even if, God forbid, Donald J Trump is no more the US President. This holy oath is bound to me till my death”.
Just to let you know I spoke to my good friend Kim in North Korea and Comrade Putin and both confirmed their inner circle has a similar oath they have to swear. So if it’s good for them it’s good for America, don’t you agree?
Talking of Putin, you have to come up with something that can make this Russia connection disappear, just as I am making the China flu disappear. I will take on board your last advice to criticise Putin a few times and to do it in gentle terms. I agree with that strategy as it will shut up the fake news media but I will make sure I will call my good friend Putin before to warn him it’s just an election ploy. Given what my FBI guys are saying about Russian interference (yet again), I am sure Putin will understand my little polite needle jabs at him.
On a closing note I have told my office to make sure your phone bill is always paid so I can reach you anytime I want. I know at times it’s 3 AM but then I am also the most hard working president the United States has ever had. Oh I almost forgot, please reach out to Ms G Maxwell, she is a very fine person and needs some advice on this Epstein thing. Hell, he is dead why should this poor woman suffer for his pleasures? As I said in public I wish her well.
Take care and check your post box, Don Jr should have sent you some presents. Hope you like the POTUS bedroom slippers.
Signed
DJT
(This is a satirical piece and should be read only in that context)
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