President Trump you cannot imagine how happy my nephew is when he told me today that he heard the Mexicans sent the check for YOUR WALL. He is elated now that his taxes will not be spent on the wall you promised. I understand there is a small technicality that the check is in pesos and conditional on your uniting the families separated at the border. This is fabulous news.
My friends in the ship building industry are also very happy that you have promised a 350 ship navy during your first term. I know there is not much time but I heard that since work stopped on some of your real estate you have ordered the workers from there to go to the shipyards. Yes we know the trade war means that the price will go up as cheap steel my not be available. My advice you should have first bought all the steel before slapping the tariffs. But then you are the Great Negotiator and I am sure will get this small matter sorted out in no time.
I am also so pleased that you have appointed a special prosecutor to investigate Hilary Clinton and her links with the Russians to deliberately lose the election for her Party. Yes she should not have wasted the money of the donors and the tax payers if she did not want to win the election. The person you appoint must especially look into the rumors that she and her supporters disguised themselves as Donald Jr and Jared Kushner and met with Russian agents in your offices in Trump Tower. How low can the opposition get to lose an election. Very deplorable.
While you admitted after taking Oath of Office that Barack Obama was indeed born in Hawaii and thus closed the matter we know that it was really because you were carried away by the moment and wanted to be kind to the out going President. However you know since Mr Obama has made subtle remarks that could be targeted at you, I suggest Mr. President you have this matter investigated by DHS, ICE, FBI, CIA, and Supreme Court, (avoid the Congress they are flakey lot as we all know) and give them 30 days to put the proof before the people. After all if he was not born in USA then any law or executive order that Kenyan wannabe US President signed is invalid and hence Obama Care will be gone. Presto such a simple solution and please do not be so kind and soft spoken towards people.
I know you promised to drain the swamp and it was going to be one of the toughest tasks as President. I know you have had to drain your cabinet and your office of some of the dirt that somehow got in from the swamp. My humble advice is that you should award a $100 billion contract to one of your companies to drain the swamp, after all they have been dealing with dirtbags all their life. Once they have cleared the swamp you can then appoint the cabinet and the team you need. Till then I would suggest just run the government on your own with Twitter and Phone. Perhaps just keep Pence and Sarah Sanders, the rest can go back to the swamp.
Most of all Mr President I admire your sense of duty and really believe you are making massive personal sacrifices while in office. I have heard that so far you have played golf on ONLY 134 days out of the 500 odd days you have been President. I know how much you love golf and it breaks my heart to think that you are not getting to play golf at least 4 times a week. I am sure this is taking a toll on your health and this lack of exercise might be affecting your 'twitter' thumb.
On a final note, President after President have been concerned about the leadership role that our beloved United States has on world affairs. This has meant to be in a race with Russia (earlier Soviet Union) and allowed 'shit hole' countries to play one against the other. Your brilliant understanding of foreign relations and your art of negotiation has resulted in agreeing with Russia to jointly lead the world and this is beyond brilliant. Yes China will continue to pose a risk but your economic and political genius of starting a trade war with China will ensure they will have to accept Russia and US leadership; better to state facts, Putin-Trump leadership.
I hope you do not mind this sycophantic ass licking but one cannot ignore your brilliance and while you dislike people praising you I hope you will not mind it. Just to prove that you did not mind it you can send me a US passport and also appoint me to a cabinet position.
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